The Diagnosis It's Not Your Fault, Pt. 2
A little girl playfully skipped down the street. The sun was bright, air brisk with colored fall leaves sprinkling the ground. A misstep landed the sugar on the ground. Wailing in agony, the newly found wound on her knee was bound to be the talk around the dinner table. Rushing into the house, the little girl showed her mother the bruised, battered knee. Gasping in disbelief, the mother immediately tended to her wound feeling guilty for not being outside to protect her daughter. While this was not in her hands, the mother still felt the pang of fault.
After a long day of work, a father picks his son up from the toddler class. The sugar is often the last to leave but enjoys the extra time with his teachers. Less noise distraction allows this sugar to attend to task missed during the day. This evening, the teacher shared sugars difficulty relating to other peers, turn taking and using language to share thoughts and ideas. Feeling sadly offended, the father ignored the teachers report. He walked away with a plan to work with his son to remove any doubt about his development. Thoughts of, “maybe if I work less…this is my fault…”
As world changers, we are challenged with internalizing every hurdle our sugar climbs through life. Whether it is an accidental owie, the insult of a bully, a milestone not met, we somehow internalize these occurrences placing ourselves at fault. Here is the deal world changer, it is not your fault. Life happens, accidents happen, cards are dealt without rhyme or reason. Nevertheless, rationalization dissipates when it comes to the affairs of the heart-our sugars. It is almost taboo to confess that some things in life are out of our hands and there is nothing we could do to change the tides (in most cases).
I find this to be true with early detection. One of the most difficult conversations faced is letting a parent know that there may be something else beyond speech and language. As a parent myself, I hate to hear any unfavorable news related to my sugars; yet I know that avoidance hinders progress and progress is something that we strive for. I also understand that somethings are out of my wheelhouse and I need extra support. I’m not afraid to admit that… (it took a while to get to that place). Because we as parents are so connected with our sugars, feedback can sometimes feel like an attack on our parenting, our engagement or time committed. In most cases, this is not true. In many cases, feedback is provided to get sugars on the trajectory of becoming their best self.
I mean think about it…if I walked out of the bathroom with my stockings in my skirt, I would hate to go the entire day without being informed. Wouldn’t you?
The same thing holds true for our sugars. Information that is contrary to what we want to hear is not always harmful, in fact, it can be for our good. Especially if unanswered questions are addressed, and a plan is put into place that benefits all family members.
Remember world changer, our role is to push our sugar to purpose. Part of that process requires that we place our pride aside and do what is best for them. Reframe our perception and remember that the diagnosis, the delay, the deficit is not your fault. Nevertheless, it is your role to ensure that sugar receives everything needed in order to maximize their potential. This is not contingent on your feelings. It is a matter of meeting their needs.
So, I would like to offer the opportunity to ask yourself a few questions:
1. Do I believe my sugar is meeting all their milestones (academically, socially, and functionally)?
2. Am I ensuring sugar is receiving services to support their needs?
3. Am I ignoring reports from professionals? Am I “waiting and seeing?”
4. Do I perceive this is a negative? Do I feel ostracized? Judged?
5. Do I feel like this is my fault? Am I being attacked?
World changer, you are not alone. Millions of parents have been in the same boat. It simply takes time and effort to come to grips with what is being placed in front of you. Be patient with yourself and show yourself grace. Know that your sugar has a purpose, and you have a special place to ensure they reach it.
As always, I am cheerleading for you in the corner.